Quickies Redux

Joe Francis leaving Coco De Ville nightclub in West Hollywood (12/2)

+ Lily Allen doing some pumping [Drunken Stepfather]

+ Adriana Lima Has Been Enhanced [Egotastic!]
+ California’s Prop 8 inspired a musical [Just Jared]
+ Model Raica Oliveira is see through (NSFW) [TaxiDriverMovie]
+ Miranda Kerr looks like she’d be great in the sack [Bastardly]

+ Overpriced [Lossip]
+ K-Fed says it was love at first $ight with Britney [Webster’s Is My Bitch]
+ Heidi Montag’s mom gives her marriage six months tops [Cele|bitchy]
+ Olivia Munn raw dogs a hot dog [UBERGUY]

[WENN]

Paris Hilton at LAX airport (11/30)

Admit it, if not for that zipper, you wouldn’t be able to tell that Paris is actually wearing clothes. The color, it blends so perfectly!

[BauerGriffinOnline]

Lynne, Maddie, and Jamie Lynn Spears in McComb, Mississippi (10/22)

*cue banjo* Star magazine is claiming that Jamie Lynn Spears had liposuction while she was pregnant and now she fears she may have caused long term harm to her daughter Maddie. *cue spoons* Apparently Jamie Lynn didn’t realize she was pregnant at the time the procedure was performed. *cue cider jug* A source told Star:

“She didn’t know she was pregnant when she filled out the health questionnaire prior to the procedure. Her mom approved the injections and went through tons of red tape to get the clinic to administer them to an underage patient.” (Source)

Jesus Christ, could Lynne Spears be any worse of a mother? I mean, it’s really not that hard to be a good parent. Step 1: Cover all the outlets until you kid turns 8. Step 2: When she turns 16, don’t let that fatty get liposuction. Congratulations, you’re now 100 times the parent Lynne Spears is.

[Pacific Coast News]

Elisha Cuthbert and Dion Phaneuf in Maui (5/7)

NHL star and all-around douche bag Sean Avery was suspended today by commissioner Gary Bettman for basically calling his ex-girlfriend Elisha Cuthbert a whore. Cuthbert is currently dating Calgary Flames defenseman Dion Phaneuf and has also been linked to Montreal Canadians defenseman Mike Komisarek. As reporters were gathered around him in the locker room Tuesday morning, Avery said:

“I’m really happy to be back in Calgary; I love Canada. I just want to comment on how it’s become like a common thing in the NHL for guys to fall in love with my sloppy seconds. I don’t know what that’s about, but enjoy the game tonight.” (Source)

Sounds like Elisha gets passed around more by NHL players than the puck on a power play. Now don’t get me wrong, there’s nothing wrong with “sloppy seconds” — my hand just had it an hour ago — I just don’t want to date a chick whose last five boyfriends have less teeth than I do . . . combined.

[Pacific Coast News]

Shauna Sand outside Coco De Ville nightclub in Hollywood (9/10)

If you’re like me you look at the occasional pics I post of Shauna Sand standing outside Hollywood clubs in her lucite skank boots and wonder if she maintains the same level of class while inside the club. Well wonder no more. From this week’s National Enquirer:

D-list actress Shauna Sand tried to turn Villa in West Hollywood into a mini-strip club on Nov. 13. The former Playmate — and Lorenzo Lamas’ ex — hit the dance floor with her trademark Plexiglass platforms and proceeded to grind on a club patron while pulling up her dress and showing off her breasts. (Print Edition - 12/1)

D-list? When did Shauna get on the D-list? I think a congratulations are in order. Maybe we can all pitch in and get her a cake or some dignity.

[Flynet, WENN]

Marisa Miller

Marisa Miller at a cocktail party celebrating the grand opening of Victoria’s Secret new Lexington store in New York (12/2)

[WENN]

Britney Spears outside Tenjune last night

Britney Spears celebrated her 27th birthday last night at Tenjune nightclub in New York. The night was way more low key than her last wild trip to Tenjune in 2007 when she got her thong grabbed and was making out with random dudes. Even though Britney wore that amazingly low-cut dress, she didn’t slip a nip once. We can thank her dad Jamie for that. Last week he had Britney’s nipples surgically removed to prevent future embarrassment. Her vagina has also been smoothed over with a large flesh-colored piece of plastic. She’s a lot like a Barbie doll now.

[INFdaily.com, Splash News]

Heather Mills bikini pics!

Heather Mills in Nice, France (July 2007)

[BauerGriffinOnline]

Kim Kardashian at the grand opening of the Fontainebleau hotel in Miami Beach (11/14)

On her blog this morning, Kim Kardashian finally addressed those rumors that nobody has heard that claim she said she’d never pose for Playboy again. Uh, thanks? Kim said:

There are a bunch of reports about me on the web claiming that I said I would never do Playboy again. They’re quoting me as saying, “It was a one-off. I don’t think I’ll do Playboy or anything like that again.”

THIS IS TOTALLY FALSE!

First of all, I have never used the term “one-off.” It’s simply not in my vocabulary.

Here’s my thinking: While I’m not planning to pose for the men’s magazine in the immediate future, I definitely don’t want to close the door to the opportunity! I absolutely love Hugh Hefner and the rest of the Playboy team and appreciate the opportunity to work with them!

Never say never,

Kim

If she wants to be taken seriously, Kim needs to turn Playboy down. She needs to concentrate on her career as a  . . . or her . . . ummm . . . what exactly does she do again? On second thought, Playboy may be a good idea.

[WENN, Flynet, BauerGriffinOnline]

Benji’s too poor for Paris

That thing about Paris Hilton and Benji Madden’s split being a test to see if she can stand to be away from him? Nope. She’s just a shallow whore. Shock! An “insider” told the National Enquirer:

“When she seriously considered growing old with Benji, Paris just couldn’t picture herself with someone she considers an average Joe . . . And while Benji makes a good living in a successful rock band, he’s not the millionaire that Paris envisions spending her life with.”

The final nail in the coffin came when Paris reconnected with her ex-beau, Greek shipping heir Stavros Niarchos, in Miami in mid-November.

“Seeing Stavros reminded Paris of the type of guy she wants to settle down with — someone who’s incredibly rich, well-traveled and who shares her thirst for the high life,” added the insider. “Benji just isn’t that type of guy.” (Print Edition - 12/1)

Let’s bottom line this: Paris doesn’t want a guy who’s rich so he can treat her to the lifestyle she’s become accustomed to. She wants a guy that’s rich because he’s the only one who’ll be able to pay for the lifelong STD meds he’s going to need. Any Joe Schmo can pick up Advil from Rite Aid, but only a multimillionaire can afford daily treatments of Valtrex, Penicillin, and wart lancing. You know how expensive that shit is?*

*UPDATE: I heard.

[WENN]