Artie Lange is a man’s man

Artie Lange tried to kill himself

Howard Stern Show sidekick Artie Lange was hospitalized over the weekend in New Jersey for an undisclosed ailment. Turns out the undisclosed ailment was a knife sticking out of his chest. Artie tried to commit suicide BY STABBING HIMSELF! From the New York Post:

Troubled comic Artie Lange landed in the hospital after stabbing himself nine times in an apparent suicide attempt, sources told The Post. Lange’s frantic mom called 911 Saturday morning after she entered his Hoboken apartment and found the bloodied funnyman, a law-enforcement source said. Lange sustained six “hesitation wounds” and three deep plunges. A source close to Lange’s management team confirmed that the Howard Stern sidekick stabbed himself, adding that his mother had come to visit him that day to drop off food. Surgeons managed to save Lange despite heavy bleeding.

This is just Artie’s luck. Sure it was cool that the doctors saved him, but now he’s going to have all these nasty scars across his chest. He can pretty much kiss any future career as an underwear model goodbye. This guy can’t catch a break.


Tags: Artie Lange
January 7, 2010 - 10:30 am