Lindsay might be high right now

Lindsay Lohan leaving a party in Malibu (7/4)

The big news of the day is that Lindsay Lohan is probably high right now, literally as we speak. All the talk about her getting clean over the past month while wearing the court-ordered SCRAM monitor? Complete bullshit. Like any good miscreant, she found a loophole and she’s exploiting the shit out of it. From TMZ:

According to sources familiar with Lindsay’s most recent probation report, LiLo has a prescription for Dilaudid — an extremely powerful painkiller … often compared to morphine … and even heroin.

As long as she has the prescription, Lohan is in the clear to pop the painkiller — presuming she follows the dosage guidelines.   We’re told a doctor wrote the prescription after Lindsay’s recent dental surgery.  We do not know the quantity the doctor prescribed.

But as we first reported, that’s not all she’s allowed to have in her medicine cabinet — Lindsay also has prescriptions for two other drugs — Ambien and Adderall.

It’s so easy to criticize this chick lately, but I’m not gonna do it. I mean, she’s clearly troubled and has a MAJOR problem in her life right now . . . how the hell is she going to get drunk or high when she’s behind bars for three months? Don’t worry Lindsay, Celebslam wasn’t voted the “Most Helpful Blog for Addicts of 2006″ by the Des Moines Register-Tribune for nothing! Here’s a recipe for an easy-to-make prison wine (aka “pruno”) that should get you through your 90 da — errrrrrrr, 23 day sentence:

Ingredients:

  • 12 oranges
  • 1 can of fruit cocktail
  • water
  • 1.5 cups sugar
  • 6 ketchup packets
  • dark colored plastic trash bag
  • rubber bands
  • clothes pin

Instructions:

  1. Combine the fruit cocktail and oranges in the trash bag. Squeeze, knead and smash until they combine to form a less than slightly lumpy paste. This will take between 15 to 20 minutes.
  2. Add 16 oz water that is room temperature. Seal the bag and shake to mix. Hide it in the corner of your cell and pile your dirty clothes on top of it to keep it warm so that it can ferment. Allow the ingredients to ferment for 3 days.
  3. Carefully open the bag. Add the sugar and ketchup. Give the sugar time to dissolve, and then commence to kneading, squeezing and mashing your bag again for about 15 minutes. Reseal and allow to ferment for 6 more days. Remember to burp your bag daily so it doesn’t burst.
  4. Attach the clothes pin to your nose and open the bag. This is necessary for this stage of making Pruno. It will appear grotesque, moldy and will smell. Remove the chunks of fruit that managed not to deteriorate and any mold you don’t intend to swallow. The chunks of fruit will not aid in accelerating the buzz process.
  5. Strain. Drink.

[Pacific Coast News]

July 7, 2010 - 2:00 pm