Raise your hand if you have a secret love child

Arnold Schwarzenegger leaving Barneys New York in Beverly Hills (5/10)

Since Arnold Schwarzenegger and Maria Shriver announced their split last week, there have been whispers that Maria was the one who ended the relationship because she just couldn’t live with Arnold’s constant cheating. Last week Bill Zwecker of the Chicago Sun Times said:

While the couple is insisting there will be no further comments beyond the announcement of their separation, sources close to the spouses say the collapse of the marriage was caused by multiple allegations of the aging action star’s marital infidelities, his increasingly over-the-top ego trips and Shriver’s realization she played a very minor role in the script of Schwarzenegger’s life.

Even though I’m inclined not to believe her because she looks like a goblin, it looks like she was right. Schwarzenegger issued a statement last night confirming the LA Times story about him fathering a child with a member of his household staff (read: housekeeper) ten years go — a staffer who only retired in January:

“After leaving the governor’s office I told my wife about this event, which occurred over a decade ago. I understand and deserve the feelings of anger and disappointment among my friends and family. There are no excuses and I take full responsibility for the hurt I have caused. I have apologized to Maria, my children and my family. I am truly sorry.

“I ask that the media respect my wife and children through this extremely difficult time. While I deserve your attention and criticism, my family does not.”

I’m actually kinda surprised by this story. I guess I always figured Arnold to be the type of gentleman who would strong-arm a woman into having a secret abortion. Kids, there’s a lesson to be learned here and that lesson is this: don’t have affairs with crazy Catholic maids.

No word on who this staffer is and the LA Times ain’t saying:

To protect their privacy, The Times is not publishing the former staffer’s name nor that of her child. In an interview Monday before Schwarzenegger issued his statement, the former staffer said another man — her then-husband — was the child’s father.

She said she voluntarily left her position with the couple earlier this year after reaching a longstanding goal of working for them for two decades. “I wanted to achieve my 20 years, then I asked to retire,” she said, adding she received a severance payment and “left on good terms with them.”

How stoked are you if you’re this love child? Your dad just went from being a down-on-his-luck mechanic to THE FUCKING TERMINATOR. I’m sorry but that is just plain awesome. The coolest thing that happened to me when I was ten was when I accidentally grabbed Jenny Johnson’s boob on the playground. That definitely sucks in comparison, especially when you consider that bitch had no tits.


May 17, 2011 - 4:30 pm