Just shut up, Jessica Alba

Jessica Alba has a wedgie

Even though she’s one of the hottest chicks in the world, Jessica Alba tells this month’s Allure that she has never felt comfortable in a bikini. Oh wow. If Jessica Alba — whose ass looks like that — has no confidence wearing a bikini, there’s really no chance for the rest of you chicks. She said:

“At least I’m still covered. I’m wearing as much as a bathing suit. It’s not like I’m naked. I’m not terribly comfortable with being in a bikini, but covering up my genitals is different than not covering up my genitals, at the end of the day. I do see a difference in that, to put it really frankly.”

“Genitals”? There’s something strangely attractive about Jessica using such proper anatomical language. Do me a favor Jessica, repeat this: “Pardon me mister, my mammary glands are so big and hot that I simply must take my shirt of. Do you mind?”


July 13, 2011 - 5:00 pm