Some lesbian felt up Bar Refaeli
Bar Refaeli in Porto Cervo Italy last year
Note to self: Get one of those fancy plastic surgery vaginas and apply to be a TSA screener at the airport. Bar Refaeli tweeted yesterday:
“I got a security ‘patdown’ by a woman at the airport that made me feel very uncomfortable and left no doubt about her sexual preferences”
OK, I have to admit something to my fans today: Bar Refaeli got me arrested. Today. For public lewdness. Why, you ask? Well, like all of you did after reading her tweet, I might have accidentally touched my private area (a police report might say “furiously masturbated”). But unlike most of you, I wasn’t sitting in front of my computer in my office, I was sharing an elevator with two Jehovah’s Witnesses, a traffic cop, and my dear mother, so the judgements were already flying. Hey, it’s not my fault, just look at Bar. Look at her, goddammit! Tell me you’re not rubbing one out right now before you judge me. I can honestly say that I have never wanted to be a TSA lesbian’s hands more than after I read this story.