Christina Aguilera’s boyfriend needs to borrow some money from her to buy an engagement ring

Christina Aguilera and Matthew Rutler at the launch party for The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim in L.A. last November

These are the problems you run into when you date the mouth breathers of society. It’s why I only date chicks from private high schools that have money–colleges, I meant private colleges . . . *looks around nervously* . . . From the National Enquirer:

“[Matthew’s] always saying, ‘Let’s make this official.’ They already live together, and he wants some security. He’s basically become her full-time helper,” a source explains. “But she’s still getting over her divorce” from music exec Jordan Bratman, the father of her 4 year-old son, Max, which was finalized in April 2011.

Another big concern? “Christina is bothered that Matthew has no money and no real job of his own,” says the source. “He admitted that if she did agree to marry him, he’d have to borrow money from her to buy an engagement ring.”

Matthew, forget about marriage — just mainline the goo into Xtina’s hoo-hah and hope it takes hold. You’ve been carrying her bags for the last year and she still hasn’t let you pop the question, so you need to pull a Federline and start popping holes in your rubbers. Honestly, I think you should have had her all pregnant and shit in the first month of you two hooking up, but you’re either too much of a pussy to not wear protection or you’re just shooting blanks. Dummy, you need to put a bun in her oven or start co-adopting savages like the Pitt-Jolies, because your time is about as short as Keanu Reeves’ attention span.


May 29, 2012 - 2:45 pm