Justin Bieber is in love

Vanessa Hudgens filming Spring Breakers in St. Petersburg, FL (3/14)

If this somehow results in a vicious cat fight between Vanessa Hudgens and Selena Gomez (preferably in a huge kiddie pool filled with pudding), Justin Bieber will become my new best friend in the whole entire world. From the National Enquirer:

Vanessa Hudgens, 23, co-stars with Selena Gomez, 19, in the upcoming movie “Spring Breakers,” and insiders say “Baby” singer Justin, 18, flipped for Vanessa while visiting Selena during filming.  “Justin spent a lot of time on the set in Florida during the late winter and early spring,” said a source. “He was there to see Selena, but he wound up falling hard for Vanessa. He couldn’t stop raving about how smart, sexy and talented she is. Plus, he loves the fact that Vanessa is like Selena, but minus the goody-two-shoes personality.”

The two stuck up a friendship even though Vanessa is dating 20-year-old actor Austin Butler, and they’ve been secretly texting each other since “Spring Breakers” wrapped, said the source. “Their banter tends to get very suggestive,” the source revealed. “A mutual friend told Selena about it, and she is freaked. Now Selena is threatening to dump Justin unless he cuts ties with Vanessa.” (Print Edition – 5/12)

Buddies, I just don’t know what to think anymore. Up is down and down is up, Pepsi Max tastes better than regular Pepsi, and Justin Bieber has his pick between Selena Gomez and Vanessa Hudgens to plant his Canadian trouser mouse inside of. Suffering shitballs, why do I even bother to put the work in? I’m devilishly handsome, I can charm the girdles off of nuns, and I can do 20 cock pushups without breaking a sweat. What I can’t do is sing or dance — clearly neither can Bieber, yet he’s the one with the pick of the litter. “…he loves the fact that Vanessa is like Selena, but minus the goody-two-shoes personality.” You know what that means, right? Not only does Vanessa have the ability to suck a football through a crazy straw, she’ll totally let you in the back door. I believe she’s what psychologists call a “good girl.” I’ve had my say, I’m gonna go lay down and cry myself to sleep. Fuck you, Bieber.


May 14, 2012 - 5:00 pm