Jenny McCarthy is sort of a spaz

Jenny McCarthy at the 2012 NBC Upfront Presentation in New York (5/14)

Uh huh, Jenny McCarthy. Sure you pulled your hamstring while “sleeping.” And I got these marks on my throat from fighting off a mugger trying to rob an old lady, and not when I tried to autoerotically asphyxiate myself while jacking off. Via Contact Music:

Jenny Mccarthy was left red-faced on the set of her new dating show Love In The Wild after pulling her hamstring while she was sleeping. The actress/model was hosting the new TV series when she injured herself so badly she had to limp around the set on crutches, while contestants were risking severe injury in death-defying competitions.

She explains, “These kids were doing such dangerous adventures; I couldn’t believe what we were asking them to do. Huge athletes couldn’t have done half of the stuff we made these kids do and I was the one that wound up on crutches. I pulled my hamstring, so for, like, two episodes, I had to be like carried around on crutches and I pulled my hamstring while I was sleeping, so I felt like a real wuss… I was the injured one while these poor kids, diving off cliffs, managed to make it.”

Really? Jenny pulled her hamstring while sleeping? Come on honey, there’s no need to be modest. Anyone over 35 has probably seen your bent-over ass in the paper edition of Playboy (way back before the days of the internets), so there’s no need to be bashful about your extracurricular activities. What was probably happening when you hurt yourself was that you were in the “Peruvian Lotus” position, but you’ve gotten just a little too old to perform the act. Wait, you don’t know what that is? I guess you wouldn’t — because I just coined the phrase — so allow me to explain. Imagine Jenny McCarthy flat on her back, with her feet pinned behind her head. While getting drilled, there’s a cave-in and the military gets called in to rescue the trapped miners — hence a “Peruvian Lotus.” Quite a dangerous maneuver for a woman of her age, but sometimes old broads need to learn lessons the hard way. Yeah, I know that’s one hell of a stretch for a cheap joke, but that’s how I roll, bitches.

June 5, 2012 - 6:30 am