Jessica Simpson’s parents are divorcing

Jessica Simpson’s parents are divorcing

The entire Simpson family officially sucks at marriage. Ashlee divorced Pete. Jessica divorced Nick. And now Tina and Joe are splitting up. From the Chicago Sun Times:

Jessica’s parents — Tina and Joe Simpson — are said to be amicably finalizing their divorce. Intriguingly, Tina Simpson is said to be far richer than her estranged hubby. A number of years ago, she and Joe divided up their responsibilities of managing Jessica’s career — with Joe handling her showbiz projects and Tina overseeing the merchandising and endorsement possibilities. Given Jessica’s singing and acting have been eclipsed by her endorsement and licensing deals — which make hundreds of millions — Tina has really raked in the big bucks.

Phew! This must be one hell of a release for Joe.The Simpsons are getting divorced, so Papa Joe can finally stop pretending to not be staring at Jessica’s tits all the time. I Hope Tina doesn’t think she’s coming out the winner in this situation, because his hard-on clearly states that Joe’s not in it for the money. Careers be damned, “She’s got double D’s! You can’t cover those suckers up!” It must have been horrible to explain why he can’t maintain an erection unless he’s motorboating his daughter. You know, I admit that last line was pretty dark, but in my defense I have it on good authority that Joe agrees with everything I wrote.


September 17, 2012 - 10:30 am