Brooklyn Decker is scary

Brooklyn Decker in Hawaii in 2010

We should all shed a tear for Brooklyn Decker. In an interview last week, she said it’s been tough looking like a supermodel her entire life. Take her height, for example — it’s scared away men her entire life. Look, I don’t care if this bitch was eight feet tall, I would bang the bejeesus out of her. Via Contact Music:

Brooklyn Decker thinks men find her scary. The model-turned-actress — who is married to tennis player Andy Roddick — says she was never really approached by guys before she tied the knot as she thinks she’s too tall for most of them.

She said: “I am very tall and I feel like it is actually quite scary to boys. And I really mean that. I never get approached by people – I think they are scared because they think I will crush them or something.”

However, she says Andy wasn’t put off by her height and his persistence paid off, revealing: “He was resilient. He called a lot, which deterred me at first, and then for some reason it worked when I called him back. And yeah, it worked.”

Brooklyn is sorta right. Any average height man who’s trying to have a conversation with her has no choice but to ogle those tits, which are indeed spectacular. That can be intimidating. Why do you think Andy Roddick retired from tennis? He was wasting time and energy making millions of dollars playing a girly game when he could have been at home, plowing into Brooklyn. Of course I can’t blame the man, she’s so hot that “Brooklyn Decker” gets more Google hits than the New York borough of Brooklyn, according to sources (those sources of course being my right hand).


October 11, 2012 - 6:30 am