Well that didn’t take long

Justin Timeberlake and Jessica Biel on their way to see Skyfall in Manhattan’s Union Square (11/11)

Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel have been married for about a month now, so I guess it’s about time to start the divorce rumors that will inevitably plague their marriage for the next ten years. From the National Enquirer:

Justin Timberlake’s honeymoon exploded after his stunning bride Jessica Biel ordered him to cut ties with his hard-partying bachelor pals, and he told her: “No way,” say sources.

“Jessica and Justin are suffering from a bad case of post-wedding blues,” revealed an insider. “And it’s all because she wants him to dump most of his old friends. All those guys enjoy weekend trips to Vegas, guys-only golf outings in exotic locales and picking up hot chicks at clubs. And Justin used to be a big part of it.

“Jess can’t stand how immature Justin’s buddies are. It bothers her that they always drag him into trouble. And now that Justin and Jess are married, she doesn’t want the guys coming over at all hours and crashing at their home. He told Jessica he’s not ditching his friends. And he added insult to injury when he added that he probably won’t be ready to start a family for at least two years. Poor Jess was left in tears. And now she’s wondering if marrying Justin was a major mistake.” (Print Ediiton – 11/19)

Damn, that was quick, wasn’t it? I thought that these are the kinds of issues that get hammered out before a couple of kids get married, but I guess I’m just an old-fashioned type of fella. Justin Timberlake is a tool with tools for friends, and Jessica is absolutely right about everything she’s thinking about him. I’d never do that to you, Jessica. If you asked me to, I’d put all my friends on a party bus in downtown Tel Aviv bought at Al Qaeda Used Auto Mall and let the magic happen. Then it’ll just be me and King Leonidas fighting for the right to finger you. Now THAT, my friends, is love.


November 30, 2012 - 6:00 am