Wilmer Valderrama is banging Eva Longoria now

Wilmer Valderrama and Eva Longoria leaving the funeral of Mexican-American actress Lupe Ontiveros in Pico Rivera, CA (9/3)

It’s official: Wilmer Valderrama has banged everyone in Hollywood. Hell, I’m sure even Betty White has sucked him off a few times. From Star:

Just a few days after her split from N.Y. Jets quarterback Mark Sanchez, Eva Longoria had already drafted another sweetheart: Wilmer Valderrama! Eva, 37, was spotted canoodling with 32-year-old Wilmer at a play in downtown L.A.

“Wilmer and Eva went in and sat down next to each other – and as soon as the lights went out, she tucked her arm under his and they held hands the entire play,” an eyewitness reports. “She kept whispering in his ear and laying her head in his shoulder. They were really the cutest couple.”

The pair, who are volunteering together to help encourage Latino Americans to vote this fall, left the performance together after giving Eva’s former castmate Felicity Huffman a standing ovation. (Print Edition – 11/12)

There really isn’t much of a story here. Being surprised by Fez putting his monster pipe into a battle-hardened veteran like Eva Longoria is like being surprised that the Sun dips under the western horizon every night and returns in the east every morning. It’s only amazing to overly dramatic assholes or people who ate paint chips as children. The only thing that’s throwing off my spidey sense here is that Eva is laying down for a guy who doesn’t have a career anymore. Usually she spreads for guys who are about to become famous so she can swallow their souls and live another 15 minutes — sort of like a fame-whore black widow. Hey, worked for Madonna.


November 29, 2012 - 6:30 am