Simon Cowell is rich, bitch

Mezhgan Hussainy in St. Barts (1/5)

Simon Cowell has been spotted living it up on a yacht off the coast of St. Barts for the past weeks — a yacht that’s setting him back $430k/week, according to the Daily Mail. I couldn’t think of a better way to relax with all your ex-girlfriends. Wait, what?

The music mogul has been spotted languishing on the deck of the 196ft Slipstream yacht, which sleeps 12 and is moored just 200 yards off shore, while he suns himself with his nearest and dearest. While his beloved mother Julie, 85, is being put up by The X Factor USA star in a [$3200]-a-night hotel suite nearby, Simon prefers to spend most of his time on board with ex-girlfriends including Sinitta and Mezhgan Hussainy.

Cowell is thought to hire the same yacht every year for him and his friends, and employs 14 staff to run it while they are there. The star has allegedly spent upwards of [$1.2 million] on keeping both his mother and his on-off girlfriend Mezhgan happy in the Caribbean. According to reports, Simon also paid to fly everyone out to the island paradise, picking up the [$35,000] bill for business class flights to bring everyone together.

Look, there’s no need to run the numbers on Simon’s vacation — we all know that he already wipes his ass with Apple stock. I’m just fascinated to see how his exes can’t get enough of Daddy Warbucks. You don’t understand how big a pimp Simon is, do you? OK, when was the last time all your ex-girlfriends not only tagged along on your vacation in paradise, but went down on each other, hoping to impress you? Come on people, let’s not pretend that Simon isn’t a freak like that. He’s worth half-a-billion dollars — all the women in his life are more than happy to insert wine bottles into their tacos, including his mom, Britney Spears, and the wardrobe lady who has to coordinate his overly tight t-shirts with the best bras for his B-cup titties.


January 10, 2013 - 10:30 am