Crystal Harris cashes in on Hugh Hefner’s senility

Crystal Harris at the grand opening of Sapphire Pool & Day Club in Las Vegas (5/4)

Crystal Harris managed to convince her husband Hugh Hefner to buy her a $5 million house in the Hollywood Hills. Wait, doesn’t that count as elder abuse? From TMZ:

Hugh Hefner really loves his 27-year-old Playmate wife Crystal Harris. We’re told he’s created an intricate plan to set her up in a multi-million dollar estate, where no one in his world can displace her once he dies, but there is one hitch. Hef plunked down $5 million last month for a 5,900-square-foot Hollywood Hills mansion, which is held in trust for the 2 of them.  Short story — Crystal owns the house with him.

Playboy sources tell us the couple is happily living at the Playboy Mansion, and they have no plans to move.  So why, you ask, did they buy the Hollywood Hills home?  Fact is Hef is a renter!  He doesn’t own the Playboy Mansion — it’s owned by Playboy Enterprises. We’re told the 87-year-old perennial player wants to make sure Crystal has a roof over her head when he’s gone, and the Hollywood Hills estate fits the bill.

Maybe it’s time for the handlers to go ahead and put Hugh in a retirement home, because he’s clearly lost his mind. I know some of you are poor and can’t afford SiriusXM, so allow me to remind you what a-then-single Crystal Harris told Howard Stern about the man she is now madly in love with:

Harris made faces of disgust as she divulged details of her intimate life with the original Playboy, admitting that the pair only engaged in intercourse once and when they did, it was only for “two seconds.”  “I’m not turned on by Hef, sorry,” she said, laughing. (HuffPo)

Instead of a house, Hugh might want to invest in some guy friends that can steer him clear of the gold diggers at the end of his sad life. Perhaps a wingman for hire. Of course, I’m your huckleberry assuming the price is right, Hugh. For a measly six figures, I’ll keep those skanks away and make sure you end up with a girl more suited for your needs: a wet nurse who’s willing to change colostomy bags.


May 17, 2013 - 2:45 pm