Melissa Joan Hart and Ryan Reynolds made out

Melissa Joan Hart  at the premiere of The Incredible Burt Wonderstone at TCL Chinese Theatre in Hollywood (3/11)

So Melissa Joan Hart and Ryan Reynolds made out. Not recently, but like 20 years ago when they were both on Sabrina the Teenage Witch. Hart (or Joan Hart? God dammit, just stick to two names) told Chelsea Handler last week that she repaid Reynolds’ gift of an expensive watch with a little tongue action:

“It wasn’t a big deal at the time. It is now. He wasn’t on the cover of People magazine as the hottest man, or whatever. The last day (on the set), he was leaving, and he came in my dressing room and handed me a gift. We had been hanging out, flirting, we’d gone camping (but) I had a boyfriend. He, like, threw this box at me and basically walked out of my dressing room and I kinda stopped his car very dramatically… because I opened the box and it was, like, a Beluga watch, this gorgeous watch.

“He was, like, 17, and I was 19 and I was like, ‘You’re too young for me…’ but I stopped his car… and I wasn’t sure if I was gonna get mad at him… and I just grabbed him and started kissing him. You get a piece of jewelry like that, you gotta make out with the guy.”

Zzz….zzz…WAKE UP!!!! Oops, did I scare you? Sorry about that, I know that any story with Melissa Joan Hart can give the sandman a run for his money, but try to stay awake for this one. Ryan Reynolds gave MJH a hell of a watch, and the best her royal majesty could muster was to stick her tongue down his throat for a minute. No one cares, Melissa. Ryan gave Scarlett Johansson her walking papers back when she was already an A-lister, so letting the world know that you wouldn’t swallow the custard for a fancy Beluga watch makes you look like an asshole — and it’s probably one of the reasons why your career is just about over. For the ladies reading this, let me give you the proper thank you chart, again:

  • Steak Dinner: Tongue Action
  • Weekend Getaway to Reno: Tug Job
  • $1000 Fucking Beluga Watch?!?!: Face Down, Ass Up, Stupid.


June 18, 2013 - 12:15 pm