Tom Cruise is using a Scientology dating service

Tom Cruise is using a Scientology dating service

Tom Cruise is dating again. According to the British tabloid Grazia, he’s enlisted the help of a Scientology dating service to find him a new wife. Because when you’re a 100% heterosexual stud like Tom Cruise, why play the field banging supermodels across the world when you can lock yourself into a marriage? Makes perfect sense. Via the Daily Mail:

Tom’s criteria includes that the new Mrs Cruise must have been a member of the Church for at least five years and be involved in the entertainment industry. The 51-year-old also seeks a “brainy” woman in her mid-to-late 30s.

A source tells the publication, “Tom needs to be strict about his criteria because he wants to avoid a disastrous match and he needs them to understand his hectic lifestyle and all that comes with it.”

The father-of-three has already found a potential suitable candidate. The as far “unidentified actor” is known only to be friends with 33-year-old former That ’70s Show and Orange Is The New Black star Laura Prepon. Tom is reported to have hit it off with the young lady at a recent gala event at the Scientology Celebrity Centre International in LA – though he’s keeping his options open for now.

Who cares about Laura Prepon’s friend — what about Laura Prepon? Laura’s damn good-looking, has a decent career, and is a tall drink of water, which is exactly how Tom likes them. The downside? Well, one would assume that if Laura is so smart, then she wouldn’t be brainwashable enough to join that goofy “church” in the first place. Another dealbreaker might be the fact that Tom needs to feed her soul to his demonseed so it may live to trigger Armageddon, so sayeth Xenu, so sayeth the almighty, amen. What, too biblical?


September 10, 2013 - 9:15 am