It’s Taylor Swift’s new boyfriend

Taylor Swift allegedly has a new boyfriend: British actor Joe Alwyn. Oh good, I’ve been hoping for a new album soon. The two allegedly have been dating for months with Taylor even “disguising herself with a wig” on her trips to London. A source told The Sun:

“Taylor and Joe are the real deal, this is a very serious relationship, but after what happened with Tom Hiddleston, they were determined to keep it quiet .. Taylor has flown in via private jets and her security has made it a military-like mission to prevent her from being seen.”

Hmmm, I’m not buying this. We don’t hear from Taylor for months, and all the sudden she’s seriously dating some unknown British actor? Something’s fishy. I don’t think this Joe Alwyn guy is even real. He looks like a creation of the Taylor Swift machine.

“Okay Taylor, after speaking with the focus groups, we’ve determined that your ideal boyfriend is in his mid-20s, 6’1″, slender yet muscular frame, sexy in a non-threatening kind of way, and British. I already have our graphic artists working on it and we’ll be releasing pictures and rumors to the media shortly.”

May 17, 2017 - 1:36 pm