Jessica Simpson is done

In an interview with Ellen Degeneres last week, Jessica Simpson said her womb is officially closed for business. Wait, how old is Jessica? Isn’t that called menopause? Via Page Six:

“I’m not pregnant on your show!” the 36-year-old fashion mogul told the 59-year-old comedienne.

“Are you sure that you’re not pregnant?” questioned DeGeneres. “I heard that you were.”

“Oh, gosh!” replied Simpson. “We had an IUD. Nothing’s gonna get in that uterus.”

Jessica’s statement sounds perfectly reasonable until you consider one thing: She’s Jessica Simpson. When else can she eat pizza ice cream without ridicule, but when she’s pregnant? See what you do is add all the normal ingredients for vanilla ice cream into your $400 Breville Smart Scoop machine. And then you add an entire pepperoni pizza from Domino’s into the milk, cream, and sugar and hit the on button. After 10 minutes or so, voila! Pizza ice cream! Burns the motor out like crazy and ruins the machine, but I’m sure Jessica would agree that you get more than $400 worth of flavor from every batch. Worth it.

May 24, 2017 - 3:00 pm