Jennifer Lopez arriving at a studio in Hollywood
Jennifer Lopez is a diva bitch, you say? You mean the famous Jennifer Lopez? But she seems so humble and down to earth. From the National Enquirer
[Before dropping out of the film The 33], J.Lo was set to play Maria Segovia, who made headlines when she pitched a tent and waited endlessly for the miners, including her brother, to be rescued. "But the film also tells the stories of other wives, girlfriends and mothers who waited -- and Jennifer went nuts making sure no actress cast in those roles would be prettier, or have a sexier body than she does," said a source on the film.
"She kept going through hundreds of casting photos and whenever she spotted a female who looked too cute or sexy, she'd slash a big,black 'X' across their face with a Sharpie! The girl doesn't want any competition." (Print Edition - 10/14)
I hate to break it to you J.Lo fans, but this lady's been an asshole for a long time. Not only does she sabotage the careers of hotties looking for a break, but she also gives women with over-sized dumpsters
the confidence to wear inappropriate clothing. She basically spawned Kim Kardashian. And, on top of that, she celebrates the lives
of Eastern European killing machines. J.Lo is fuckin' hardcore, people. Anyone who crosses her better watch out or you might get a visit from her biggest fan, anti-social President for Life, Gurbanguly Berdimuhamedow -- or as Jennifer calls him: pop pop.*20 Jennifer Lopez pictures total in the gallery:
Casper Smart in Calabasas
says that's Jennifer Lopez's boyfriend Casper Smart "running some errands" in Calabasas a few days ago . . . *does quick search to find the last few months of Casper Smart pictures* . . . hmmm, I think I'm noticing a theme here. Hope J.Lo's offering medical and dental for being her bitch boy, Casper. *5 Casper Smart pictures total in the gallery:
Jennifer Lopez backstage at Dancing with the Stars studio in L.A.
Remember when J.Lo's ass used to be a thing? And then Kim Kardashian and her ass
came along, and it wasn't a thing anymore? Well those two should totally fight. And I only say that because J.Lo's from the Bronx and would totally punch Kim with some poor man's brass knuckles (a roll of quarters in her hand).*10 Jennifer Lopez jeans pictures total in the gallery:
Jennifer Lopez arriving at BBC Radio 1 studios in London
Jennifer Lopez claims that she used to be "homeless" because she got into a fight with her mom and slept on a couch at a dance studio. Oh my gosh that poor poor thing. Was the air conditioner working? She told W magazine
"My mom and I butted heads. I didn't want to go to college - I wanted to try dance full-time. So she and I had a break. I started sleeping on the sofa in the dance studio. I was homeless, but I told her, 'This is what I have to do.' A few months later, I landed a job dancing in Europe. When I got back, I booked In Living Color. I became a Fly Girl and moved to L.A. It all happened in a year."
A comfortable (albeit semen-covered) couch in a well-kept dance studio? That's what passes for homeless these days? Vagrants and scallywags don't score jobs dancing in Europe like J.Lo did -- they do charming things like sell tainted blood for cookies and shit on subway station platforms. I'm growing tired of J.Lo's phony "Jenny from the Block" persona. She's had a pretty sweet life, there's no need to rewrite the backstory. Take me, for example. I've never hidden my early life, full of throwing money at the help, boarding school in Vienna, and holidays in the most exclusive vacation spots in countries most of you can't pronounce -- the wheels came off the wagon only after I depleted the trust fund by throwing most of it at the help. Damn it, look at the time. I have a bus to catch, an office to clean, and a CEO to blow.*20 Jennifer Lopez pictures total in the gallery:
J.Lo hearts violent dictators
J.Lo loves money so much that she'll pretty much do anything for it-- including entertain the Turkmen version of Hitler, Gurbanguly Berdimuhamedow. That would be so many points in Scrabble. From TMZ
Jennifer Lopez made a quick buck Saturday putting on a show for one of the world's most repressive leaders, but it might not have been worth it considering the s**t storm she's in now. J.Lo's being blasted for putting on a special birthday concert in Avasa for the President of Turkmenistan Gurbanguly Berdimuhamedow -- complete with a serenade of "Happy Birthday, Mr. President".
The reason being -- Gurbanguly's notorious for the widespread human rights abuses in his country: extreme censorship, ethnic repression, utilizing torture etc. Human Rights Watch considers Turkmenistan's gov one of the most repressive in the world.
A rep for J.Lo went straight into damage control today, hoping to take heat off the singer, explaining, "Had there been knowledge of human rights issues any kind, Jennifer would not have attended."
Wow, this is truly embarrassing for the Obama administration. First there's the Benghazi situation that we can't get a straight answer on; then we found out that we're all having our phone conversations spied on; and now they have to apologize to Emperor Berdymukhamedovolodingdong because Jennifer Lopez lip-synced her awful songs to him during his birthday party. I'm sure I'm not the only one here that feels super bad that J.Lo ruined Gurby's day. All the Great Leader wanted on his special day was to enjoy some ice cream cake, break the necks of a few dissidents, and listen to some good tunes. Oh well. At least there's some ice cream cake left to share with the tortured bodies of his political rivals. Thanks a lot, J.Lo...(slow clapping)*10 Jennifer Lopez pictures total in the gallery:
Jennifer Lopez at the Sound of Change Live concert at Twickenham Stadium in London
Is it just me, or is anyone else a little freaked out by Jennifer Lopez's crotch? Like if you had sex with her, it'd threaten to slash your tires if you didn't call the next day. Thing just looks . . . aggressive. Pitbull better be careful
.*20 J.Lo pictures total in the gallery:
Chrissy Teigen is gorgeous
John Legend's fiance
model Chrissy Teigen is known to speak her mind on twitter
, and she definitely didn't disappoint over the weekend at the Chime for Change Concert in London, blasting J.Lo's entourage for acting exactly how you'd expect J.Lo's entourage to act (since deleted):
"I won't get into it but Jennifer Lopez' people need to calm the fuck down ... I love Jennifer Lopez. But as I am sitting and watching John perform, I don't need her people to lay down the j-lo laws ... She shall still be my face and hair idol. Her people can kick rocks ... I have never once been asked to leave an area for an artist's supreme arrival. Maybe I should carry around a horn and streamers ... I'm bummed because I really loved her dammit. Anyhow, moving on."
It's sad to see Chrissy fight with her idol like this. Obviously there's only one way to settle the dispute between these two sexy ladies: a fully bonded and insured mediator (mutually agreed upon by both parties, of course) with extensive experience in alternative conflict resolution-- oops I meant kissing. They should kiss.*15 Chrissy Teigen pictures total in the gallery:
Jennifer Lopez and Pit Bull filming the music video for Live It Up on the beach in Miami
Apparently J.Lo's boyfriend Casper Smart is worried that she's cheating on him with Pitbull. I don't know what he's worried about -- Pitbull is only a successful rapper, singer-songwriter, record producer, television presenter, and actor, while Casper, um, used to be a backup dancer. On second thought . . . From the National Enquirer
Casper is convinced Jennifer is fooling around with Pitbull behind his back and that he's on the chopping block," said a source. "He confronted her and demanded to know if she's having an affair with Pitbull. Then he ordered her to cut ties with him. Jen was so taken aback that at first she just laughed in Casper's face.
"But then she got really mad. She shot back at him, 'Don't you talk to me like that!' and stormed off. Later, she reminded Casper that she's the boss and moneymaker in the relationship - and if he doesn't like the terms, he can hit the road. And if Jen dumps him, Casper knows his days of living high on the hog are over. He broke down and sobbed, 'Jen can't leave me yet - she promised to make me famous!'"
Come on, National Enquirer
. The way you're presenting the facts is inherently dishonest. Saying that J.Lo is cheating on Casper Smart is like saying J.Lo isn't getting her Toyota Corolla detailed at her usual car wash. Casper Smart is a NOBODY, a complete zilch in the entertainment world. He's Kevin Federline minus the extra 200lbs
of bacon fat around the midsection. Because of the large discrepancy of status between him and J.Lo, he's not allowed to be worried about cheating. It'd be like if President Obama starting dating Amanda Bynes and she got all worried about the late night phone calls from Beyonce. Dude, he's the fucking leader of the free world and you're about a year from being homeless. Chill out.*30 J.Lo and Pit Bull pictures total in the gallery:
J.Lo is BFFs with Chris Brown
Because she thinks domestic violence is really awesome, here's a pic Jennifer Lopez tweeted of herself buddying up to convicted domestic abuser Chris Brown in the studio last week. Afterwards she gave Kim Jong Un a piggyback ride and then beat Mahmoud Ahmadinejad in a game of rock-paper-scissors. BFFs forever!!!*3 Chris Brown pictures total in the gallery:
Jennifer Lopez in Miami
In honor of Martin Luther King Jr. Day, J.Lo wore a bikini yesterday in Miami. But wait, Martin Luther King Jr. Day is today, not yesterday. She doesn't even know the day of the holiday? What a racist bitch!
*30 Jennifer Lopez bikini pictures total in the gallery: