Suri Cruise is the most powerful

Suri Cruise is all powerful
“I WILL DESTROY YOU!”

Forbes today named little Suri Cruise the most powerful celebrity toddler. No, seriously, Forbes felt the roughly ten billion lists they have on their website weren’t enough and they’re now ranking toddlers. Via the San Francisco Chronicle:

Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes’ daughter, Suri, has been named the World’s Most Powerful toddler. A new poll by Forbes magazine has put the two-year-old ahead of Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt’s brood of kids in the search for the most influential child under the age of five. The top 10 is as follows:

1. Suri Cruise
2. Shiloh Jolie-Pitt
3. Zahara Jolie-Pitt
4. Pax Jolie-Pitt
5. Sam Alexis Woods (daughter of golf ace Tiger Woods)
6. Cruz Beckham
7. Matilda Rose Ledger (daughter of actress Michelle Williams and the
late Heath Ledger)
8. David Banda
9. Sean Preston Federline
10. Sam Sheen (daughter of Charlie Sheen and ex-wife Denise Richards).
(Source)

The fact that Suri’s the ”World’s Most Powerful Toddler” is impressive. But you know what’s more impressive? Not crapping your pants. Newsflash people: Other than the smell that wafts from their diapers, there’s nothing “powerful” about a toddler. Case in point. Last week I arm wrestled a 2 year old and beat him 6 out of 10 times. Pussy.

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[Pacific Coast News]

Read more about: Suri Cruise

I love you

Kate Beckinsale is perfect
Kate Beckinsale at a screening of Nothing But the Truth in New York (11/13)

Being the head of the Southern California chapter of her fan club, I don’t know how I didn’t hear about this interview two weeks ago but uh, yeah, Kate Beckinsale’s pretty much perfect. She told Elle:

“I don’t like to walk around wearing no make-up with my hair rolled on top of my head on my days off. I think my husband would be a bit upset if I did. It’s nice to feel like you’re wooing the other person a bit, as once it degenerates into wearing yesterday’s sweatpants and farting on the sofa, you lose a bit of the spice. You’ve got to keep up the seduction phase - it’s fun.” (Source)

Did you know that when Kate Beckinsale farts, a delightful smelling air freshener comes out of her butt? It’s true, I’ve seen it with my own eyes. She always gets gassy after I make her breakfast. I think it’s the eggs.

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[WENN, Pacific Coast News]

Read more about: Kate Beckinsale

Tara Reid screwed herself

Tara Reid is a lush
Tara Reid is a lush

Tara Reid can kiss free hotel stays goodbye. In an effort to clean up her image (LOL!!!), Tara dumped her manager Richard Squire last week. The New York Post says:

Reid may not be aware that [Squire] pulled a few tricks to get her free rooms in ritzy resorts around the world, according to one source. “Richard would call and tell us he was working with big celebrities like Paris Hilton or Marcia Cross and would ask for a free suite. Then at the last minute, he would send Tara.” (Source)

If Tara really wants to spend the night at upscale hotels for free whenever she travels, her manager doesn’t need to pretend she’s Paris. She just needs to do what Ms. Hilton does: sleep with the hotel’s guests.

TRUE STORY: I searched “Tara Reid drunk” on Bauer Griffin and got 102 results.

Tara Reid drunk brings 102 results

[BauerGriffinOnline]

Read more about: Tara Reid

The Daily Bikini

Shannon Doherty bikini pics!
Shannon Doherty bikini pics!

Shannon Doherty in St. Bart’s (July. ‘05)

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[BauerGriffinOnline]

Read more about: Shannon Doherty, The Daily Bikini

Lunch with Blake Lively

Blake Lively has boobs
Blake Lively

Blake Lively at the CFDA/Vogue Fashion Fund event at Skylight Studios in New York (11/17)

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[Flynet]

Read more about: Blake Lively

Your Sexiest Man Alive

Hugh Jackman Sexiest Man Alive
Hugh Jackman at Bondi Beach in Australia (11/15)

People magazine named Hugh Jackman the “Sexiest Man Alive” today. Since last year’s winner Matt Damon was forced to relinquish his crown due to a shocking 5-day heroin binge that was caught on tape, the title has sat unclaimed for over four months. OK, maybe that didn’t happen. People says:

He’s a triple threat: a star who can sing, dance and wield a weapon. At 6 ft. 2 in., all scruff and biceps, Hugh Jackman looms large in the epic Australia, which he says kept him “dirty 95 percent of the time” and left people stammering, “Oh … my … God,” according to costar Nicole Kidman, who adds, “Women’s jaws drop when Hugh walks into a room.” (Source)

I don’t see the big deal about women’s jaws dropping when Hugh walks into a room. The same thing happens to me all the time. It’s almost like some women have never seen a grown man in a mesh shirt and bicycling shorts before. It’s comfortable dammit!

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[Pacific Coast News]

Read more about: Hugh Jackman

I LOLed

Zac Efron is a bitch

Zac Efron’s page on IMDB

[College Humor]

Read more about: Zac Efron

What’s the deal with huge breasts?

Shoshanna Lonstein bikini pics!
Shoshanna Lonstein bikini pics! (Miami - 11/15)

Remember Shoshanna Lonstein? She used to date Jerry Seinfeld. When she was 17. Nice. Not many people know this but California actually has a “double d cup exception” to their statutory rape law:

Section 42-65. Code 4d.3: “The age of consent for engaging in sexual acts is 18 years old. If a girl is under the age of 18 but has double d breasts . . . SCORE!”

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[BauerGriffinOnline]

Read more about: Shoshanna Lonstein

A little something for the ladies

Ashton Kutcher’s butt crack
Ashton Kutcher at LAX (11/13)

There it is ladies, in all its glory: Ashton Kutcher’s butt crack. I know I’ve been posting a lot of bikini pics lately but, c’mon, you didn’t think I forgot about you? Now if this is a bit too much this early in the morning, I suggest finding the nearest paper bag and breathing into it until you catch your breath. I don’t need you passing out on me.

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[BauerGriffinOnline]

Read more about: Ashton Kutcher

Prince is spreading the word

Prince is a Jehovah’s Witness
Prince is one weird dude

Did you know Prince is a Jeohvah’s Witness? Neither did I. And he’s serious about it, too. He’s been going from house to house in his Beverly Hills neighborhood to spread the word. From the New York Post:

Yes, that’s Prince going door-to-door in LA to preach the word of the Jehovah’s Witnesses. The purple-loving pop star tells this week’s New Yorker that since he joined the Christian denomination two years ago, he’s started leaving his gated community to knock on doors and proselytize. “Sometimes people act surprised, but mostly they’re totally cool about it,” says Prince. The “When Doves Cry” singer adds that he sees his conversion as more of “a realization. It’s like Morpheus and Neo in ‘The Matrix.’ ” (Source)

Great idea. Compare your religious beliefs to a movie character played by Keanu Reeves. That should open the flood gates with people wanting to convert. I’d imagine the first things that must go through people’s mind when Prince shows up on their doorstep must be, “Shouldn’t you be at school little man?” and “You’re too late, I already voted ‘Yes’ on Prop. 8.”

[WENN]

Read more about: Prince